same old blood rush

"same shit different day"

2007-09-22T03:12:46Z

same things happen every day. hopes get too high, they fall with a loud,painful thud. "every night you cry yourself to sleep, thinking why does this happen to me?" one other thing i'll just have to get over. here we go again.
things need to change soon. i need some change. same things, same people, same places, every day. everything is too scheduled and i'm sick of it. i need a change of pace, people, places. get me out of this suburb, and out into the city with the bustling people and bright lights.
when i fall from this cloud, will you be there to catch me, so i don't hit the ground? will you be the one i trust with my secrets? can you be?
it's getting late, i could use some rest. rest is something i haven't gotten very much anymore. i'm getting sick of it. i could use some energy. i knew all of this would catch up with me soon. i guess this is it.
11:11 - wish for something right to happen for once.

xo.

note to self: never get your hopes up

2007-09-20T23:51:57Z

it will all crash down. nothing goes right anymore. poeple all around you are lying, straight to your face. what the hell is wrong with you? you keep asking yourself. you have friends, they're all liars,except one. there's the one friend you can trust with everything,and you know will be there either way. you hate who you are, but you don't know how to change. you think there could be something wrong with you. all you've seen is death,illness,and lies. ther'es nothing left. you already feel like a failure. there's nothing to work for. the only thing left is to lay and turn your headphones up so loud you drown out the world in your favorite band. things don't seem okay. you don't think they ever will be. you don't want to hear "things will come your way" they better come soon, before you break. you wonder what it would be like to go to sleep, and never wake up. you wonder what it would be like, to cry, and be held by your lover. you wonder if that will ever happen, or you'll die alone. you just keep wondering. let yourself go, turn all the lights off. sit in the darkness, blast your favorite record, cry to it, fall asleep to it, tune out the world, things will never be okay.

xo

first: still new to this stuff

2007-09-20T23:43:18Z

yeah well i'm totally new to lj,and basically have no clue what i'm doing...
bare with me here...

i guess i'll just start whoring stuff i've written:

i feel like i need a way out
this life is too much
i can't stand this place
these people
i want out of it
sometimes it seems like nothing is worth living anymore
you rip my heart out
watch me bleed as you stab my back
leave me there to bleed just for you
this blood belongs to you.

sorry for the downers in some of these....

it's late and i'm awake
you've caused so much pain
i hate you
listening to these hate songs
makes all of it seem okay
in such a strange way
i can't stand you
these words hardly describe the pain
the hate
the loss
i guess i'll have to get over this

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crying again all because of you
you aren't even worth these tears
why can't i stop them from falling?
i'm not the kind of girl to forgive and forget
i remember the pain.anger.tears
i can't get past it
i guess in a way,
you've made me stronger
thanks i guess

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tonight is so black and dark
i've got a smile on my face?
something has overcome me
this emotion i seemed to have lost for so long
is back
thanks for the smiles

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this one describes me too much:
our fears control our lives
we just get those weird vibes
i live in fear,pain,agony
lately i've felt happy
it seems so strange
but i like it

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invisible bruises
imaginary scars
shattered insides
things you can't see
but you know you left

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i am never the first
always the last
last to know everything
everything about you
about us
no one can say anything to my face
can you explain that to me?
the contrast of love and hate
i can explain it
we love to hate
its so natural
i love to hate you
and i always will

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i hope you feel the most regret
the most regret you've ever felt
i hope you cry yourself to sleep at night
just like me
realizing what your missing

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these bruises
the scars
the pain
you abused me
physically and emotionally
i always remember the stories
behind it all
the bruises
scars
pain
thanks for the reminders
of what you did to me
they make me stronger
i guess you were good for something

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the smell of fresh cut grass
the wind in your face
it all feels amazing
being gone
away from all the problems
it feels like nothing bad can happen
i have the world to myself
with no problems
i would love to get out of it all
out of the suburb
to go to the city
where no one knows my name
i can start over
new people
new place
new me
wouldn't it be nice?
save me from this
save me from myself
how how cliche?
aren't we all sometimes?
isn't it tragic?
saying things we don't really mean
what does this mean?

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your life can be a three ring circus
i could be your ringmaster
i'm dying to watch you fall
fall from your trapeze
beneath it all your the same person
you couldn't tell the truth to save your life
so keep on lying
fall from your trapeze
end our show
goodnight,goodnight

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i'm making a special post for something else i wrote last night.
it's kinda long. so yeah....